Camp NaNo final tally, further goals

The past week was very productive! Not only did I meet my goal of 300 minutes of editing in April, I did more and ended April with 465 minutes! I feel so very very happy about that, especially after having to lower my goal and not doing anything at all the first half of the month.

I’m determined not to just totally stop, the way I often do when a NaNo-month ends. I’ve made a further goal, a total of 1,000 minutes of editing on Amanda-story (and possibly Amanda-sequel if I get too stuck/frustrated with the first one…). So with the 465 minutes I’m almost halfway to that goal.

I usually really really hate editing (most writers do!), in fact I normally don’t go back and edit my stories at all after finishing them… I’m not looking to publish, so what’s the point? There have been exceptions, though, including Remy-story (and sequel), and now Amanda-story/sequel. I’m actually having fun with it for the moment, poking at sentence structure and using the 40-year-old thesaurus that used to belong to my grandpa (it’s surprisingly still very useful!).

I think many non-writers don’t realize just how tedious editing can be and how long it can take to just fix one little sentence…. I have literally spent 15+ minutes figuring out the best way to phrase something, or if something is grammatically correct (spent 13 minutes today Googling whether ‘matter-of-factly’ was a real term, and also if it actually has hyphens or not).

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Camp NaNo updates

Welp, my goal of 20 hours of editing this month most definitely didn’t happen, will not happen, cannot happen. I did absolutely no editing at all for the first half of the month, I just couldn’t get my mind into it. So I ended up lowering my goal considerably, to 5 hours (or 300 minutes, I’m tracking it by minutes). I’ve done a tad over 200 minutes in the past week, so that’s good.

Most of the editing is just grammar fixes and NaNo-cheat fixes, like how during NaNo some people (me included) don’t use contractions because ‘do not’ is two words while ‘don’t’ is only one word and it actually really adds up… So now I’m trying to fix the stilted speech that results from not using any contractions. It’s fine for some stuff, especially the end-scene that I just edited today where Amanda is emphasizing her words, and ‘I do not’ sounds more serious then ‘I don’t’. But stuff like ‘I can not be, I just can not be that, I do not think…’ etc, that just sounds a little awkward. So I’m fixing that kind of stuff.

I did, however, end up skipping to the last 30 pages or so because I was getting frustrated trying to edit the beginning and I knew there were actually things towards the end that needed changing. I’ve just finished editing the last few pages… So now I either have to go back to the beginning and attempt that again, or move to a different story for the remainder of my editing minutes. Since I’ve been concentrating on Amanda-story I may be able to poke at Amanda-sequel, since my mind is already on those characters.

Also, I got a bunny!! A plotbunny, that is. Well, more like a small skittish scenebunny. I haven’t actually written any of it yet, partly because I’m concentrating on editing and partly because I haven’t written anything new in so long that I’m a little hesitant about it. It’s for Amanda-sequel, and at the moment it’s just one scene idea but it brings up stuff that could definitely be fleshed out into multiple scenes… I’ve toyed with the idea of Meg having a girlfriend while living with Amanda pretty much ever since I started writing the sequel. In what I’ve written so far she doesn’t, but now I have this bunny about if she does have a girlfriend, what happens if she starts spending more time with this girlfriend and slacking on her obligations to Amanda? So it’s just a scenebunny at the moment about how they would handle that, but it could be expanded a lot because I could show the slow progression of Meg spending more and more time with the girlfriend, maybe forgetting to do something around the house, and then after they realize it’s a problem something will have to be decided… Hmmm.

Camp NaNo goals and random updates

So. I still have not written. At all. Nothing. Not one freaking word on any of my stories so far this year. It’s driving me nuts but every time I try nothing comes out. I’ve decided instead of trying to force myself to write new things while my muse is apparently totally on vacation, for Camp NaNo in April I’m instead going to focus on editing. My goal for April will be 20 hours of editing, on anything I can focus on… Amanda-story, Amanda-sequel, Remy-sequel… heck, maybe even Alexz-story if I can get back into that character’s head enough. My hope is that editing will get my head back into the stories and maybe I’ll end up writing a little something sooner or later.

I also have not read a book so far this year. Not one full book. I got 5 (6?) books from the library a few weeks ago and I did start reading one, and it’s actually a fairly good book (from the Dog Diaries series that I totally love) but I just never feel motivated to actually sit down and read.

My stepdad is coming to visit mid-April for a week, which will be fun, it’s always tons of fun when he visits… And the local fair is next week and hopefully I’ll be going with a group from the housing assistance program I’m a part of (I went with them last year). Got my income tax refunds and put most of it away for our San Diego trip this year, whenever that may be. Our last San Diego trip was last August and I *still* haven’t gone through and cropped/resized all the pictures… I’ve done a little over 400 of them, there are 1,450 in all. Ugh.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever talked about my love for the show Once Upon a Time on this blog… That show has been a very big part of my life for 6 years now. And recently it was announced that the current season will be it’s last. That’s been hard to deal with… On one hand I’ve been very vocal about how much I hate this season and the time-jump and half the main cast leaving and the focus shifting so much etc etc. On the other hand, as long as there were new episodes I could hope that it would get better… Only a handful of new episodes left now, forever. I’m disappointed that SwanQueen, my favorite ship, never became canon, but I’m also disappointed that I won’t be able to see these character’s adventures anymore regardless of who they are with romantically.

Easter is the anniversary of my grandpa’s death and it’s usually a very hard time for me and my mom every year. I’m feeling okay so far this year, but it’s definitely on my mind.

Random updates

I seriously suck at updating this thing, oops. Actually opened WordPress about a week ago and then… Got distracted, I guess.

I’ve been annoyingly sick for over two weeks now, that kind of sick where it’s horrible and you can barely function, and then it gets better and you think you are in the clear, and then it gets horrible again… Rinse repeat about five times. I’m currently feeling better, but dunno if it’ll last.

Decided not to do any New Year’s Resolutions this year, after realizing how horribly my 2017 resolutions went. Instead I’m just going to keep making short-term to-do lists, because that seems to kinda sorta work for me. Sorta. My current major goal is to read one book by the end of the month. Technically I should read 4 books by the end of the month if I want to be on track for my LibraryThing goal of reading 50 books this year, but I really doubt that would happen and I’m not in the mood to push myself with it.

My other goals for the rest of the month are mostly computer-related… Downloading more songs from my list (I’ve got almost 15 artists on that list), read some of my friend’s Glee fanfic that I started reading forever-ago and then Life Happened, and do a few pages of dragons on DragonCave (online adoptables game I’m totally addicted to). On the game there is a semi-new feature called Groups, where you can sort your dragons into groups based on any criteria you choose. I had 27 different Groups, mostly just grouping my different ‘clans’ together, but then I decided I wanted a specific group for all my dragons with messy lineages… I have over 5,600 dragons, and I’m certainly not familiar with all their lineages, so I’m in the process of going through every single dragon to see which ones to add to that group. … It’s going to take forever.

I would really like to get back into writing… I still haven’t written a darn thing. I *want* to write that Amanda-story scenebunny, or continue Alexz-story, or figure out where the heck I’m going with Remy-story-sequel, but… I just can’t seem to get my mind into it.

Reading, and not-writing

Hello. So yeah, NaNoWriMo just didn’t happen for me this month. Every single day I think about writing something, anything, but I gave up on actually doing NaNo weeks ago. It’s really strange, because this is the first time I’ve *ever* not done NaNo when it hasn’t been because I’m so completely depressed and/or suicidal. Earlier this month I wondered if my dis-interest in NaNo was maybe a sign of my depression coming back, but I’ve been fairly okay the last few weeks. Had a couple anxiety attacks, but nowhere near what it used to be, and no serious depression at all. I’ve never really experienced not wanting to write without it being because of my mental state, and I’m sort of not sure what to do about it.

I still have those ideas, both the new story ideas and the ideas about continuing Amanda-story-sequel, and I still want to write those eventually. I also recently acquired a new Amanda-story scenebunny, not the sequel but the original story, because writing stories out of order means there are almost always little parts in the storyline that I skip over and may not write for a long time (… or never write). With Amanda-story I skipped the 2-3 weeks in between them getting their “normal” relationship back on track, and the ending revelation. It may even need to be a month or so in between. I wrote the first couple days of it and then just skipped to writing the ending. So this new scenebunny takes an idea that stems from the way Amanda views their relationship, and kind of adds a little acknowledgement of that from Meg into the last couple weeks of the story.  I think it could add something to their dynamic, if only it being that Meg is showing Amanda that she knows and understands how Amanda feels about things. It may even make the ending better, since it will better show that Amanda’s end-revelation is a step forward from how she thought of their relationship before. So I’d like to write that… Eventually. Whenever my muse/motivation/etc comes back.

In reading news… I haven’t been, not much. Finished my two LibraryThing Early Reviewer books that I was struggling with (not struggling because they sucked, just because I wasn’t in a reading mindset) and posted reviews for them. Have one more Early Reviewer book that needs to be read/reviewed, but haven’t started it and probably won’t for another week or so.

My reading priority right now is finishing the beta of my friend’s awesome story, the beta that I really should’ve been done with by now… Originally I had wanted to be done with it by the end of October so I could concentrate on NaNo this month, but yeah that didn’t happen at all. And I’ve recently been informed that my memory seriously sucks, because a part in this story that made me *freak out* with surprise and confusion and excitement was apparently in the first draft that I read a few years ago?? Totally don’t remember that at all. Which I guess is good, in a way, since the less I remember about the old draft the better I can be about looking at this version with new eyes? *shrugs*

NaNoWriMo, to do or not to do?

Okay. So. It’s currently a tiny bit into November 5th, and I have written exactly ZERO words for NaNo so far. Nothing. Nothing at all. Not even a few rambling sentences. Nothing. And I want to, I want to so freaking badly, but it’s just… Not happening.

I have two semi-coherent ideas, one about a girl that goes to a boarding school and falls in love with her roommate, and the other that I think I mentioned awhile back about childhood friends getting reacquainted and falling in love. They are both interesting concepts where I have a couple ideas for scenes that I’d like to write, but neither of them are really grabbing me… That “omg I must write this! Omg these characters are awesome! Omg what on earth just happened here?!” that always happens when I get totally into a story idea, it’s just not there.

I love Remy-story-sequel dearly, this particular story-world is by *far* the longest thing I’ve ever written, both wordcount-wise and time-wise, I love the characters and I love the storyline and a part of me never wants to finish it because I can’t imagine not writing it anymore. And yet doing it for NaNo isn’t really possible right now I don’t think, I’m completely stuck with the current plotline. There is another plotline earlier in the story that I never finished writing out, and technically I guess I could try working on that, but I don’t know.

Amanda-story-sequel is something that *could* be finished as-is, the last part I wrote could work as a fairly good ending,  the promise to forget about the little slip-up and just keep what they have without really examining what the slip-up could mean beyond “it shouldn’t have happened”. But then, what if it didn’t end there? Because, now that Amanda has made one slip-up, it’s possible it could happen again. And what then? If it happens again would Meg make good on her threat to move out? What would happen if Amanda’s husband found out about the slip-up, would he freak out, would he kick Meg out, would he possibly think about leaving Amanda, or is it possible he would be understanding? The more I think about it the more I want to continue this story and see where it might go. So, I guess I could try to continue this for NaNo… Although I severely doubt even these new ideas have the possibility of 50,000 words.

Early October updates, NaNo flailing

I once again forgot to update for awhile, oops. Well, I read three of the five library books that I’d mentioned last post, took them back because I was at my renewal limit, and then went back like a week later and checked out the ones I hadn’t read again. However, I currently have THREE LibraryThing Early Reviewer books in my possession that I need to read and review. I’m like 3/4ths of the way through one, but it’s very information-heavy with statistics and such, so it’s taking awhile to get through it (I also have like a whole page of notes on what I’ve read so far so I can do an accurate review).

Writing… Yeah. That story idea I mentioned last post? Kinda died. I have like maybe 15-20k worth of story figured out, but then it just… Won’t go any further. I can’t seem to figure out anything more, figure out where to go with it from there. I’m hoping that if I kind of ignore it for a few weeks I’ll be able to come up with something solid. Right now I’m poking at my Alexz story; One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to finish my Alexz story, and I have literally written nothing at all on it this year. If I Rebel for NaNo this year, the way I did last year, and work on two stories, between the new idea and finishing Alexz story I could probably get to 50k. It’s just… As much as I *want* to finish Alexz story, and as much as I love the plot and the characters, it just isn’t really grabbing me right now. Basically, I’ve written most of the Big Plot-Driving Scenes (writing out of order as always), and now most of what’s left is just the 2 1/2 weeks of touring and shopping and such, which isn’t totally boring but I just can’t seem to get interested in writing it. *sigh*

I’m also betaing a wonderful, lovely, exciting novel for a dear friend in hopes that she can eventually publish it. So that’s been taking much of my writerly-brain concentration lately. In general I don’t really read sci-fi or fantasy (there are exceptions, like The Catalyst and sequel by Helena Coggan, and of course City of Hope and Ruin by Kit Campbell and Siri Paulson, but those are exceptions). But certain authors I’ll read pretty much anything they write because their *writing* is just so awesome, so the genre doesn’t really matter, and this friend that I’m betaing for is one of those authors. So yeah, that’s fun.

New story? Plus random updates

Okay, so, someone needs to remind me that this blog of mine exists and that I should updated it more often. Camp NaNo was a bust, struggled the first four days, writing a total of 300 words, before I realized it just wasn’t going to happen and I needed to stop forcing it.

I have read two books in the last month. *sigh* I have four (five?) library books that are due in two weeks that I haven’t started. I have a LibraryThing Early Reviewer book that I received three weeks ago that I haven’t started, and it’s not that it doesn’t look interesting, it’s just… I don’t know. Just can’t concentrate on it.

Been back at work for a few weeks now, it’s… Going okay, I guess? 3 hours a day, two days a week, there is a little anxiety but nothing too bad. I get kind of overheated at work, though… The weather here has been 103-108 degrees in the afternoons, and while work does have air conditioning it never seems to reach the storage areas where I work most.

I have a… Very tentative story idea for November NaNo. Like many of my stories, it started out based on something that happened in my life, a girl I was close with when I was a kid and we lost touch for a long time, and then briefly resumed contact and at that point I kind of had a crush on her but never told her. She was… Kind of a wild teenager at that point, and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we’d remained in touch, or if I’d told her how I felt. This story idea takes that and runs with it, and then my muse decided to throw a few interesting curve balls into the mix, and I think I might have the beginnings of something. It’s all in my head for now, haven’t done any actual outlining or anything, just kind of seeing where my thoughts take it for now.

Hospital and not reading and writing

So yeah, I was in the hospital for nineteen days this month. Unconscious for two weeks, breathing tube, very fuzzy memories. My family traveled to see me while I was in the hospital but I remember very little. I am home now, and doing better, but having trouble with emotions. Trying to get back into therapy.

Reading: I haven’t been. Not since I got out of the hospital. I’m still semi on target for the 75-books-in-2017 reading challenge, and I did finish listening to Furiously Happy again the other day. I started reading an old BabySitter’s Club favorite, Kristy and the Secret of Susan, but haven’t gotten very far. Finally received my March LibraryThing Early Reviewer book and started reading that, but it’s kind of stupid.

Writing: I haven’t been. Tomorrow starts July Camp NaNo, and I signed up, but I don’t know if I’m going to do it. I signed up with a goal of 15k, which is only 500 words a day and if I push myself I know I could do it, but… I just don’t really want to. I don’t know what the heck I would write, either. I’m stuck on Remy-sequel, and all I have left to write of Amanda-sequel is a few filler scenes. Unless I decide that the “end” I wrote isn’t really the end, which is something I’ve been toying with… There’s a lot I could do with Amanda-sequel, if I let myself expand it more. Lots of interesting scenarios Amanda and Meg could get into. I worry about dragging it on too long though, and writing myself into a corner… If I continue the story past what I have now, what would happen to their relationship? I always intended for Amanda to stay married to Daniel, that was never in question. Until I wrote Amanda coming onto Meg while drunk. It’s funny how sometimes the things that you end up writing surprise you. I didn’t expect that Amanda would ever long for what she used to have with Meg, certainly never act on that longing. The story could go a whole different direction now, if I chose to write it.

Not-writing and reading and stuff

Camp NaNo is over for April and I managed to write 67k. That’s more then double what my increased goal was, which makes me feel really good. About 55k of that is Amanda-story sequel. The rest is Remy-story sequel.

I haven’t written much since April ended, though. I’ve written half of a scene in the original Amanda-story, because there are some parts I skipped over and I would like to fill those out. Like the week of taking care of a fake baby for school. Or the Thanksgiving storyline that I just kind of abandoned. Or the three weeks (?) between going down to the canyon and Amanda running away. I really need to fill out those parts.

Been reading a lot. Finished my library books and took them back. I was sorting through my location tags on LibraryThing, making sure everything was where it said it was, and I got nostalgic over my BabySitter’s Club books. So I’m reading some of them again. Finished two in the last four days, and have one more I want to read. These are all books I’ve read multiple times before, and I really should be concentrating more on my To-Be-Read bookcase instead of re-reading stuff, but it’s just so wonderful to re-read sometimes. I’m struggling with the idea of re-reading some of my Torey Hayden books… They are hard to read, emotionally, but so damn *GOOD*.  I’ve read 40 books so far this year and I’m going to keep the momentum as much as possible.

The last week or so I’ve been feeling really lousy, very overly-emotional and cry-y and stuff. I thought it was ToM, but then that went away and the emotions stayed. I worried that it might be a depression settling in, but the last two days have been fairly good. I haven’t had a major depression since I discovered Jenny Lawson back in September, and I fully credit her awesomeness for that. It was a turning point in my life,  becoming a part of her “tribe” and learning about Furiously Happy. I know better then to think that my depression is truly gone, but it’s much more manageable now.